005. The shame that comes after overspending... Black Friday edition

It is true that money generates a big variety of emotions, positive and negative.

Commonly, we learn that money is connected to negative feelings like greed, selfishness and power.

Disregarding that mental programming, in this post I want to focus on one specific emotion that comes even though when you already "have your money under control".

This emotion is SHAME.

Not surprising, money is strongly connected with shame in various ocasions: shame of not having enough, shame of having too much than others or shame of not managing it in a way that works in your best interest.

Unfortunately, shame does not stop once you "have your money under control".

When you practice budgeting, you become very informed about your spending habits. We tend to be controlled by our habits, which makes our expenses recurring in similar amounts. We shop the same amount of groceries every week, the activities we do are similar every weekend, the amount of driving we do is regularly the same. This rutine facilitates the budgeting process and control of your money.

But what happens when it comes a high expense season, like the Black Friday? Where we are literally brainwashed by powerful marketing to spend in things we don´t need?

It is a mix of feelings.

First comes the rush of "finding" that amazing product that makes you feel tempted to own. This rush turns you into autopilot on mode shopping.

Then it comes the dopamine hit, when you added that product to the shopping kart and clicked "buy"

Then the shame comes, after you receive the purchase confirmation.

Does that sound familiar to you? For me of course! I am a fan of clothes, and watching content in social media definitely makes me shop more. Even items that I only have 1 ocassion to wear. That is an emotional purchase, because otherwise it makes no sense. But let´s continue with what happens after your purchase.

The shame comes with multiple self doubt:

• Am I being irresponsible with my money?
• I really did not need that... but it is SO CUTE! or the price was just a GREAT DEAL!
• Maybe I should have saved/invested that money and become financially free sooner!
• Should I cancel the purchase? or return the parcel?
• Is this purchase taking me away from my goals?
• Should I enjoy the now having immediate gratification?

After experiencing myself all the process above driven by fashion shopping and making myself have a tough time for my decisions, I come to invite you to have self-compassion. 

You are just human and let´s be honest, those marketing campaigns are super powerful and push you to buy. Companies have massive budgets supported by highly qualified marketing experts who have learned how your psychology works so you buy their products.

 The reality is: yes, you took that impulsive not planned decision that deviated you from your financial goal (like I did)

But you are human, and that is part of the experience. I would encourage you to move forward and realign with your financial priorities moving forward.

Do not fight against the shame, otherwise it grows. Feel it and acknowlege the impulse. And commit to go back to your financial plan execution.

It will be normal to have deviations on the financial plan every now and then. It is part of the process. But being able to go back to commit to your plan, will make the big difference.

See you in the next post.

Dolores Gavino

Founder of Female Wealth Builders

www.femalewealthbuilders.com